No, No, No

“No” was the word of the day.  Thandokuhle is starting to feel more comfortable in expressing her opinion and it often is “No”. 

Today we did some shopping in the local area to buy Zulu souvenirs.  We are leaving the Zulu region on Tuesday and there were a few specific things I still wanted to buy.  We made several stops so it was a lot of getting in and out of the car seat.  We enjoyed lunch at a nice restaurant which also had a play area, but the length of time I wanted to stay was shorter than the amount of time the girls wanted to play.  Our final stop was an indoor mall which has the nicest grocery store.  So, by then Thandokuhle was getting close to her limit of all that she could handle.  I reached to hold her hand to walk through the mall and her response was “no”.  I captured her hand and she pulled away more forcefully and said “no”.  I said, “Thandokuhle, you have to hold Mommy’s hand as we walk”.  Her response was “no” and she planted herself on the floor to make her point!  Seeing that this was moving towards a full tantrum in the middle of the mall, I scooped up her stiff body and tickled her saying that she has to hold my hand.  She thought this was funny and was back to her happy self.

Holding an adult’s hand to walk through a crowded mall is a new skill for Thandokuhle.  She is used to living at the orphanage where even the youngest children run around outside by themselves since the entire area is within a fence.  In addition, she doesn’t have any sense of car safety.  Miranda and Thandokuhle were standing on a small sidewalk as we loaded the groceries in the trunk and Thandokuhle jumped off the sidewalk and into the road before I could grab her.  Thankfully, no cars were coming.

Thandokuhle’s behavior is an odd mixture of ages.  She is a very independent 4 year old who wants to do things herself.  She is very good at eating without help and she likes to color and draw.  On the other hand, she needs to learn how the family interacts and develop the family skills that most learn at a younger age.  We’re reading toddler picture books so she can learn the names of animals, common objects, and colors.  She also asks a ton of questions, usually “Mommy, what’s this?” so I will name the object she is pointing to.  She craves individual attention and loves to show me each bite she takes or demonstrate an accomplishment so she can receive lots of praise, all of which are typical of a younger age.   The challenge is knowing how to respond at the appropriate level for her needs.   She doesn’t know how to express her feelings or needs in English so I need to regularly check with her.   It is easy to automatically think of her as a 4 year old and treat her as older than what she is ready to handle. I have to constantly remind myself that she has only known us for a week and a half and is navigating a huge transition.